Louise's UK Recruiter Blog

Keeping up with The Apprentice

Again this year I've been utterly rubbish at managing to catch all the episodes of The Apprentice.  Luckily, as with previous year, Gavin Ingham has been doing summary blog posts.

Gavin is a sales trainer and motivational speaker and what I like about his summaries is that a) you don't have to watch the show to know what's going on and b) he includes "sales training lessons" and "sales tips" in each review.

There are numerous Apprentice blogs but Gavin's is the one I consistently return to.  However, if you want to see previous Lee McQueen share his thoughts check out ExclusiveTV.  Lee is his usual entertaining self!

The Apprentice – The Finale

Of course you know who won... (you can watch his victory interview here)... but what you need is the full analysis and learning points!  You can get them from BlueSky PR and from Gavin Ingham.  Both have provided really good reviews of each episode throughout the series.  I seriously recommend you check them both out!

The Apprentice - Week Eleven Roundup

This week's summary is from BlueSky PR.  However, you should also check out Gavin Ingam's blog for his roundup.

In a twist to the regular format, Lord Sugar decided to postpone the dreaded interview round in the penultimate show of the series, in favour of a fast food challenge. The candidates were set the task of creating, branding, and producing a fast food chain to determine who would reach the final boardroom.

This week really separated the men from the boys. Helen and Tom on team Logic dominated this episode with their business skills and talent. Helen was team leader and showcased her amazing organisational abilities. She also proved to be a good leader – she recognised Tom’s creative flair and allowed him to be in charge of branding when infact that was the gig she was really after.

Tom’s dyslexia in this episode proved to be the winning element when deciding on a new brand name “MyPy”. The duo decided to theme the fast food around the ‘best of British’ and focused on pie and mash – good choice. Tom demonstrated his creative abilities and his eye for detail in the branding aspect of the task as the shop had a quintessential English theme while still remaining modern.

The pair worked seamlessly together on this task. The concept was great, they knew their business plan and profit margins while at the same time creating quality food – all served to the customer in under 3 minutes! I fully expect one of these candidates to be ‘hired’ in the next episode. The only thing letting this team down were their history skills – naming the menu after famous British people and then calling the mash Christopher Columbus (who was Italian) was not the smartest of moves.

Team Venture on the other hand made a real meal of it!

After discovering Natasha had a degree in hospitality management her team mates looked thrilled. The excitement was short lived when her colleagues discovered she wouldn’t be using any of her degree knowledge in the task. With Jim in charge, Natasha and Susan’s relationship hit an all time low. The bitching and squabbling was rife and showed no signs of ceasing. Both the girls wanted to be on the branding aspect of the task, so instead of separating these children, Jim left them to get on with it while he created the food. Once left alone they continued to argue over sombreros and peppers! Failing to even come up with a name it was left to Jim to step up to the mark. Jedi Jim really was a one man band in this challenge, having to control Susan and Natasha who turned into the ugly sisters, leaving Jim, aka Cinders in the kitchen.

Jim’s mathematical abilities did take a battering though. Where was the calculator when Jim needed it? It certainly wasn’t in his head. To multiply 60 by £7 and to arrive at an hourly turnover of £4,800 was embarrassing. To do it in front of an audience of industry experts when you’re pitching to win was cringeworthy.

The food was cold, there was no business plan, profit margins were not calculated and the food took over 10minutes to reach the customers – the winners of this task were clear to everyone.

Back in the boardroom Lord Sugar made the well over due decision to fire Natasha. After showing signs of brilliance during the magazine challenge, Natasha has done little but repeat the word ‘yeah’ at least a million times. I’m glad she went, yeah!

So that leaves the final four – the inventor, the leader, the salesman and the beauty product queen. The final episode will finally reveal the candidates business plans – I can’t wait!

The Apprentice - Week Ten Roundup

This week's roundup is very kindly via Gavin Ingham. 

So, it’s week 10 of The Sales Apprentice and we’re down to six; Natasha, Suzy and Jim facing off against Helen, Tom and Melody. Just looking at the last six I was left feeling pretty uninspired. They are none of them without their shortcomings and I don’t think I would be investing £250k into any of them from what I’ve seen and that’s before we see them torn limb from limb in the interviews and hear what crackpot business ideas they might have…

And I wasn’t that inspired by tonight’s task either!  I have to admit that I think it would have been better weeks ago as a warm up and I’m not sure how much value it was adding at this late stage in the game unless Lord Alan is planning on setting up a market stall!

Lord Alan was in his element tonight but then he loves to talk about his roots trading, restocking and buying more tat to shift on to some other hapless punter. Tonight’s task? To sell £250 worth of stock provided by Lord Alan, notice what was selling, buy more of it, sell more, invest in more etc. No need to worry about left over stock as Lord Alan would add this into the final figures. Thed team with the most stock and money after two days would win.

Simples, you would think, but not for our Apprentices…

Sales training tip: Don’t make simple things complicated. Stupid people make simple tasks appear really complicated. Clever people make really complex tasks seem really simple. On tonight’s task the Apprentices strayed away from what was a simple task and made it all rather more complicated that it needed to be.

As a sales motivational speaker, I see this all of the time…

Melody stepped up to be PM saying that she had not been PM for weeks and was duly elected. Over on the other team, Tash stepped up but was challenged for the role by Suzy. Jim had the final vote and he cast it for Tash perhaps sold by her bragging about “operational experience.” She doesn’t striike me as that being her strongest suit and I’m not sure if her comment to Suzy about being “over the moon” that she was in her team because of her sales skills was ironic or serious. I thought it was serious which, if so, is an opinion based somewhere near the capital of La La Land as Suzy has looked distinctly rocky in this area previously, most notably in her total screw up in a market she should have known well in Birmingham.

Out on the street, in what was effectively a glorified car boot sale, Jim was knocking out nodding dogs and cheap looking brollies. Again, I am struggling to understand why Lord Alan thought that at this stage yelling, “Roll up, roll up and buy my brollies and tacky nodding dogs,” was of any use to anyone?! Surely, this is not what he has planned for the winner!

Jim was getting into it and proved yet again that he is the master of the meaningless encounter. Give him a stranger, a quick impulse purchase and the opportunity to give it a bit of blarney and he’s off. Nick smiled (no really, he did) and said he was beginning to like him… well… a bit anyway.

Suzy, meanwhile, was wandering around affluent West London streets trying to sell duvets and blankets door to door. I am not quite sure who she thought was going to buy these but none of that mattered because she gave up far too easily before returning to the car and falling asleep!

Sales training tip: Know your product. Know your customers. Know where your time is best spent.

Bad salespeople waste their time knocking on every door and speaking to every prospect. Bad salespeople wear themselves out and make few sales.

Good salespeople know their product, know where there customers are, know why they are going to buy and know how and when to approach them.

But if Suzy has got it wrong, Helen and Mel had lost the plot entirely and were wandering into retail outfits trying to sell their wares. Clearly, this task was about selling to the public and this HUGE faux pax would no doubt cost them dearly.

Over on the other team, Tasha was trying her best, yeah, to give them a run, yeah, for their money, yeah. But as a leader she was coming across as a bully. She appeared disinterested in her team, what they had to say or their feelings. And she was defensive too. Plus she totally missed the whole point of the task to the extent that she was still defending her refusal to reinvest in new stock even after Lord Alan told her she had missed the point in the boardroom!!

But, whilst Tash was patronizing Suzy, Mel and Helen were gifting the task back to her by not only continuing to promote their just plain daft idea of selling to retailers but by also not reinvesting in the nodding dogs as Tom had asked them to. Infact, Helen was so unimpressed by Mel’s lack of strategy that she attempted a coup at the end of the first day, suggesting Mel should sell and she should take over as PM in charge of strategy.  As you can imagine, Mel was not impressed.

Sales training tip: Have a strategy. Without a strategy salespeople run around like headless chickens. Without a strategy salespeople waste time, energy and effort. Without a strategy you are unlikely to hit your targets, maximise your sales or develop the business that you want.

One of the big themes of today was that neither team leader had a strategy… or if they did, they were bonkers! Mel reinvested in totally random products that just made no sense and she had no idea how she was going to sell them. Tash refused to reinvest sufficiently and missed the whole point of the task.

Jim though was continuing to charm the birds from the trees with his own slick patter. Nick was feeling the love. “He’s found his forte,” he said. I’m not sure it’s what he meant to say but his “compliment” was effectively endorsing Jim as a market trader. Nothing wrong with that but maybe not what Lord Alan wants to invest in…

Let’s face it, making impulse sales in the street is more about upbeat attitude and engagement than anything and it most certainly does not require advanced selling skills but you might have thought it did to hear them talking about how Tom had stepped out of his comfort zone to make sales, blah, blah. For goodness sake, so he smiled and spoke to a couple of kids selling what…? Three nodding dogs!!!

Enough.

In The Boardroom…

Both team leaders were disliked by their teams but who had won? I won’t keep you waiting… drum roll… the winner was… Tash, with a final asset value of £751 to Mel’s £728.

A slim win and you’d expect a far more competent performance from the winning team and the winning project manager this far on in the competition but this task was not won by one team, it was lost badly by the other.

And Lord Alan thought so too, cancelling the winner’s treat for the first time ever…

Back in the Boardroom…

Helen looked shell-shocked. Nine wins and now this… she realised her own mortality. And she was deservedly in the boardroom too having been party to most of Mel’s bad decisions and having totally missed the point of the task. Mel had been poor too and Tom, well he didn’t screw up as such, but then again I don’t see selling three nodding dogs as any kind of great achievement.

So it was down to Lord Alan. What would he see in them? Who would he like to work with? Frankly, I’m struggling. Not just with these three but in general. I’m not feeling it. But who would go tonight? Our Al wasn’t sure. And it was a tough one. Who was more at fault?

“Helen. Frankly you have let yourself down girl. You just didn’t get this. I wasn’t expecting to see you here and you is just an assistant really, innit? Tom, I’ve seen you in here more times than I have eaten jellied eels recently but then you did sell free (3) nodding dogs yesterday and I can’t scoff at that. Melody, I like you one week ‘cause you’re gusty and selfish and the next I don’t. Being frank, I’m holding out for Tom just incase he has some invention tucked away that makes me even richer and I obviously ‘aint gonna sack Helen ‘cause that might mean I might have to go into business with that quick-talking-Jim so I’m afraid, with regret Mel, you’re fired.”

He flattered them all as having exceptional abilities and it being such a hard decision. Odd, given they’d just been beaten by a team that he refused a treat to because they did so badly. And odd because he must be watching different footage than me.

 

You should also check out BlueSky PR's equally good summary.

The Apprentice - Week Nine Roundup

This week's summary is from BlueSky PR again.  However, you should also check out Gavin Ingam's blog where he has "written" his summary from readers' comments!

This week, the two teams were tasked with inventing, branding and selling their own biscuit. Sweet.

In case you’re finding it difficult to keep up with the ever-changing teams, Natasha, Jim and Helen are now Team Venture and Melody, Susan, Zoe and Tom are now Team Logic. If I was put on Team Logic, I’d keep a suitcase packed… the odds wouldn’t exactly be stacked in my favour…

Anyway, Helen puts herself forward for leader of Team Venture, because she works in the food industry. Susan puts herself forward for leader of Team Logic… because she… erm… works with cosmetics… and cosmetics have ingredients! That’s the same, right? Zoe doesn’t think so, and slaps Susan down, as Nick Hewer put it: “as somebody slaps down a yapping puppy.” Ouch.

After a laborious baking and testing process, in which mad scientist Tom (he’s an inventor, you know) creates some sort of bizarre Frankenstein-style Digestive-Shortbread hybrid biscuit (perhaps the strapline should be “it’s aliiiiiive”) half of which is covered in chocolate. The concept is based around the fact that you can snap and share it, ostensibly leaving somebody with the short end of the stick (or biscuit) ie, the one without chocolate, every time.

I do, however, like the name “BixMix” even if it sounds a bit like puppy food. Melody spends most of the task whining in the background about how she wants to do a heart shaped biscuit. NOOOW. I contemplate muting the TV.

Any time is treat time. That’s the brilliant idea Jim’s come up with for a ridiculously high-sugar, high-fat after school snack. Natasha tries to justify this by saying that when school ends, that becomes “any time”. Shouldn’t she be on Team Logic?
Zoe and Melody spend most of the episode sniping at each other like a couple of five year olds fighting over what game to play. It’s boring so I zone out a bit, but needless to say they both come off looking like petulant infants, particularly during their spectacular supermarket tantrum, where Zoe actually waggles her finger at Melody.

After they’ve branded their biscuits, with the Frankenstein biscuit inexplicably packaged in a girlie purple packet and Venture’s product packaging basically ripping off every other children’s snack on the market, it’s time to present to three major supermarkets. Whoever gets the most orders wins.

Melody and Tom decide to start a serious business pitch with an excruciatingly uncomfortable role play in which they’re husband and wife. Or something. The next pitch is equally awkward, as Zoe and Melody decide to change tack and say they’re aiming the BixMix products at girls on a night in… except they decide to do another role play and, having just had a shouting match, you can cut the tension between them with a knife.

In the end, smooth talking beautiful, beautiful Jim wins out by promising multi-million advertising campaigns and an endorsement from Harry Potter (the movie franchise, not the wizard). He gets 800,000 orders for Team Venture and losers Team Logic get none. Fail.

Cue more sniping in the boardroom between Zoe and Melody. Zoe has suddenly decided she didn’t like the biscuit in the first place and that must all be poor Tom’s fault. Or Melody’s. But definitely not hers. Lord Sugar doesn’t buy it and Zoe gets sent home.

 

The Apprentice - Week Eight Roundup

This week's roundup is very kindly via BlueSky PR.

This week’s instalment of the Apprentice celebrated national stereotypes with the typical Brits abroad dodgy ‘Allo ‘Allo accents creating embarrassing viewing. Lord Sugar challenged the teams to introduce British products to the French market. So with baggage and egos checked in, the teams were off to Paris.

The first part of the task was to choose products to take over to France. Susan, as team captain for Venture ran through the product room in a whirlwind. She had no clue what she was doing, evident by her beyond stupid questions, “Do the French care about their kids?” and “do they drive?”. Karen Brady couldn’t believe what she was hearing and neither could I!

As project manager for team Logic, Tom took a different approach, slowly analysing each product and their margins. As well as team Venture, Tom also had his eye on the star product, a booster seat that doubled as a backpack. However this idea was quickly poo poo’d by French speaking Melody who much preferred the idea of a teapot light! After being instructed to conduct some market research by Tom, irrelevant of her feelings of the products Melody claimed that the light was the better option regardless of the comments made by the French commuters.

As the second day began, both teams set off to sell their products to the French masses. Melody refused to share with the other children and threw her toys out of the pram in a tantrum when Tom tried to divide up the visits set up the previous day. Tom however couldn’t bear to deal with a sulking Melody and caved in, leaving himself and Natasha to go to the major pitch presentation and Melody and her lapdog for the day, Leon, going to all the meetings.

Team Venture, however worked as a team. At their presentation to the French retail giant, Helen nailed her pitch like a pro, whereas Susan simply demonstrated that she can fit in a child’s booster seat! After succeeding with the retailers, Susan and Helen utilised the time remaining by scouring the streets, stopping at a mobile phone shop on the off chance. This tactic paid off as they managed to sell 1500 mobile/ipod grips.

At the end of the final day in Paris, Melody happily proclaimed “I should move to Paris and do business here.” I’ll start the whip-round for the ferry ticket myself!

Back in Blighty and in the boardroom…

As the results came in Team Venture annihilated Team Logic as Helen’s amazing pitch scored a record-breaking 214,000 Euro order. Tom decided to bring back Melody to the boardroom for her bossy behaviour and Leon for his contribution to the task or lack thereof.

Melody pointed out that she made the sales on the day but failed to convince the judges that she didn’t take over, “I let Leon sell the teapots…” Karen Brady raises an eyebrow, “You let him?”

It wasn’t looking good for Leon either as the boardroom bitchiness continued. Karen wasn’t impressed with his efforts and asked him what else he had done except for drawing a sketch of a teapot light during the market research stage of the task – it turns out he did nothing else! However the judges seemed equally appalled by Tom’s behaviour on the task. They were gobsmacked to hear that Tom refused to select a candidate for the pitch and instead played Rock, Paper Scissors to decide. Slick… Ha! And these are supposed to be the ‘business elite’

Lord Sugar seemed impressed with Melody though, “She is a tiger! Take a leaf out of her book, she’s fighting to win. She is ruthless; she’ll eat them up and spit them out! She’ll step on anyone and that’s what I like about her really…” Personally I thought she should have gone. She lied through her teeth and she wasn’t a team player at all! All good qualities for a future business partner I think Lord Sugar! However it was useless Leon that was made to get the black cab home and was fired.

You should also check out Gavin Ingham's equally good summary.

 

The Apprentice - Week Seven Roundup

This week's roundup is very kindly via Gavin Ingham. 

So, we’ve reached week 7 of The Sales Apprentice and tonight’s task was to create a Freemium (Free Premium Magazine) and then sell as much advertising space as possible. The team selling the most ad space would win the task. Tonight’s team leaders were selected by Lord Alan, Jim leading Venture and Natasha leading Logic, speaking to the teams this week from a balcony way above them and I couldn’t help but think that the ultimate winner of the show might be advised to get used to exactly this sort of “partnership”.

With only a few hours to complete this task the teams quickly got down to discussing the potential markets. Natasha and team decided to plump for a lad’s magazine with a business element to it. This was partly their idea and partly down to a focus group of rugby players saying that they wanted a more intelligent magazine without the nudity. The magazine quickly became called “Covered”.

Over on Jim’s team they decided to go for the over-60’s market and set off, stereotypes at the ready, to talk to a focus group. I guess when you’re 20 something 60 does seem incredibly old but the whole concept of active retirement seemed to have passed the whole of team Venture by. They just couldn’t seem to get their heads around the fact that people of 60 weren’t about to die and thought their concept that people of that age weren’t was a new idea!!

These two decisions about the magazines and the implementation of them would prove to be the critical piece in today’s show. No amount of selling or negotiating can sell the wrong idea. No amount of influence and persuasion can persuade professional buyers who know their markets to buy a dud. No amount of word foreplay or slippery, shouldered, sales talk (Jim!) can polish a turd.

Sales training tip: Know your client. Know your client. Know your client. I was amazed that all of the chat in selecting the magazines was about the concept. It should have been all about the readers and the advertisers…

Who would read this magazine? Why would they read it? What would they be interested in? What product placement would fit in this magazine? Who would want to advertise in it and why? How did this demographic fit in with the clients of the three buyers they were imminently to meet? If they did ask these questions, we never heard them.

Over on team Natasha things were not running smoothly. All of the team seemed to be behind the concept of business without the nudity however Natasha seemed obsessed with boobs, stating at one point that, “Porn sells.” True, but not your concept, Natasha. Photographing girls in their lingerie under Tom’s (?) suit jacket and glasses and touting a potential title, “How do you blow your load?” (translated as, “How do you spend your cash?”) the implementation was more Stringfellow than Jobs and the cover wouldn’t have looked out of place next to Nuts magazine…

And you know, it may well have been that the magazine needed the smut but the fault here was with the lack of clarity of purpose of the team…

Sales leadership tip: If you want to be a great leader and you want to inspire and lead your staff you need a clarity of vision. That doesn’t mean that you know what you’re doing! It means that you AND your team know what you’re doing and that you’re all pulling in the same direction.

On Natasha’s team, this most definitely was not the case with Natasha and her team having very different visions of what they were trying to achieve…

But the problems on Natasha’s team were far overshadowed by those on Jim’s team where they could not even get their title or concept right. This was in the main part because the team clearly thought that 60 was really old and that any 60 year old owning a mobile phone that did more than make a call was seriously hip, hop and happening. The titles they suggested for the magazine were not only unimaginative, they were also laughable. And that’s exactly what the focus group did!

Desperately seeking a new title Zoe suggested “Coffin Dodgers.” A silver-handled affair made of teak narrowly missed Nick’s head as he spat out another wasp he’d been chewing. “Everyone thinks you die at 60,” volunteered Zoe suggesting that the concept of people over 60 having a life was something new. Do these Apprentices not have grandparents? Who the heck thinks that anyone dies at 60?

Deciding to go down the route that once you have eliminated any sensible alternatives you need to pick the first daft thing that comes into your head, Venture decided to call their magazine “Hip Replacement.”

What?

Yep! You heard it right… “Hip Replacement.” Seriously! Task lost. End of.

From this point on, I could see little hope for Jim and team. This title made “Coffin Dodgers” look inspired. Jim, who I am rapidly deciding needs to get fired (more later…), set about roping the team into this decision, something he is very good at. On the face of it, he makes it look like he is getting their agreement and input, but in reality he is purely covering his ass! The only member of the team to not agree was Suzy but, even after being told to stand up for herself in the boardroom last week, she said that she would go along with it. She needs to be careful. Having the right idea and not sticking up for it could well prove to be far more fateful in Lord Alan’s eyes than cocking it up but having the cahones to stand up for your ideas…

Ideas completed, articles sourced and magazine printed, the teams put their heads together to craft their sales pitches. Jim beseeched his team to volunteer to make the pitch and threw his hands up when no-one volunteered. He really does have the slipperiest shoulders. If he was a pirate his parrot would need crampons and pick axes…

Sales Pitch 1:

Picture this… Leon standing next to a huge picture of a semi-naked girl with the title “Covered” and saying that their magazine was a lad’s magazine with business and without the pictures of naked girls! Hmmm…

Next up, Jim pitched “Hip Replacement”. The buyers looked bemused and asked about favourable rates. Jim said that it was full rates or no ratesl. The buyers looked even more bemused but not half as bemused as the rest of Jim’s team.

Sales training tip: Negotiation is an important part of selling. Most salespeople make poor negotiators. They give away too much, too easily and fail to create win win solutions. Many salespeople need to stand their ground more. But there are times when you need to negotiate, times when you need to strike a deal, times when the buyer needs to know that you have done something for them, times when the particular client, etiquette and/or custom dictate that you negotiate. This was one of them and Jim failing to do so was arrogant (stupid).

Sales Pitch 2:

With a budget of £1 billion client spend Natasha couldn’t stop herself interrupting Leon and the whole pitch lacked professionalism and coherence.

Sales training tip: Don’t undermine your team. When making sales presentations work together, work with each other, support each other. Behaving in front of your prospects in a way that suggests that you do not trust your colleagues to say the right thing (e.g. interrupting them mid flow) will do little for your client’s confidence in you.

Jim’s team did little to shine in their presentation either and it was on to…

Sales Pitch 3:

With team Jim failing to shine (again) it was all down to what team Natasha could do with “Covered” and Natasha having lost faith in Leon decided to step up herself to make the sales presentation… and this proved to be a double-edged sword…

On the one hand, her presentation was awful, yeah? I mean it was really not good, yeah? And not slick at all, yeah? And if she said yeah again yeah, I would have turned the TV off. And it was also crass, “Let’s face it. A lot of guys like to get a bit of dollar in their pocket, yeah, to impress the ladies.”

I have many great clients in recruitment and know many impressive individuals in recruitment and I was not impressed…

BUT…

Her pitch was closer to the ACTUAL magazine they had produced. Not the one they had said they were going to produce, nor the one that the rest of the team wanted to produce BUT THE ONE that she did actually produce. More of a magazine for LADS who want to THINK they like business rather than people who actually are in business. More X-Factor wannabe than proven business mogul.

In the Boardroom…

“Tell me who you think the potential advertisers are?” Asked Lord Alan. FINALLY! Someone asking the right question!

The results were in…

Pitch 1: Logic £9k, Venture £12k.
Pitch 2: Logic £7.5k, Venture £16,850.
So, two wins but still anybody’s game… until…
Pitch 3: Logic £0, Venture £60k for the whole magazine.

Slam dunk and team Natasha headed off to poke each other with sticks (fencing) yeah and to celebrate their business prowess… yeah!

Back in the Boardroom…

Jim was quick to blame Zoe for one of the main mistakes, the name of the magazine. He admitted that they all agreed it but insisted that it was her idea. I wanted to reach down the TV and tell Teflon Jim that this was really rather similar to him being blamed for coming up with a name in a previous task and that he had said that it was only brainstorming and that it was down to the team leader who approved it. But I’ll have to settle for writing it here…

Jim might be good at building rapport, doing cheeky deals and using language to deflect potential objections but he needs to step up and take responsibility.

He elected to bring back Suzy and Glenn…. Suzy because she’s only 21 and Glenn because he’s an engineer. Jim criticized both Suzy and Glenn but had his sights fixed firmly on Suzy. Glenn wavered in his support of Jim until Jim caught him broadside in a slight of Suzy, “You’re just marginally worse than Glenn,” he said and then got it both barrels from Suzy and Glenn.

But Lord Alan had had enough, “Jim, you’ve got slippery shoulders but despite what I said about you the other week son I can’t sack you yet ‘cause there are other idiots to sack first. Suzy, you’re young and all that but I hate engineers ‘cause they ‘aint business peeps so Glenn son you is sacked.”

If you’re an engineer and you’ve done well in business send your complaints to Lord Sugar… and if you’re thinking about applying for The Apprentice, think again… Lord Alan has already made his mind up, “I’ve never yet met an engineer who can turn his head to business.”

Line of the week from Lord Alan to Glenn, “I was wondering if you’re one of those people who think that “Only Fools & Horses” was a business documentary?”

 You should also check out The Apprentice Episode 7 – It’s just not punny anymore from BlueSky PR.

The Apprentice Reviews

Unfortunately Chris Bates is no longer able to continue writing his Apprentice roundups for us. 
 
If you want to take over his spot, and can commit to continuing until the end of the series, please drop me a note.
 
However, if you are missing his commentary you can read superb reviews on the Lander Associates Blog as well as from Gavin Ingham. 

The Apprentice - Week Four Roundup

As we reach a third of the way through the series, it’s quite unusual that everything is quite as open and to play for as it is this year. Normally at this point you could more or less put your hat on 3-4 who have a realistic chance, and a good four that have no hope. This year however other than ‘Jedi’ Jim, no one has really shot to the forefront and stood out thus far. There are of course a few we know can’t win.  Edna, the business psychologist for example, stands little hope, unless Lord Sugar fancies opening Amsbondage and wants her to be CEO (Chief ‘Execution’ Officer), strutting around in elbow high gloves and ruling with a leather fist. Vincent equally is not looking like having much of a say in the outcome either, unless he has a plan to release a new form of Ronsil Woodstain, slapping on some more Piz Buin and stating ‘it does exactly what it says on my skin’. Consequently, it’s all to play for, making it rather exciting.

The task this week is to establish cosmetic businesses in a shopping centre, and both Felicity and Zoe are forced into being project managers, which is never a good sign. Zoe is rubbing her hands together with glee at this point as she has Susie, the UK’s leading expert in the cosmetic industry (according to Susie). Now there is something I never really get in the show, and that is why do candidates actively promote themselves as experts in something? If I were an expert in cosmetics for example, surely playing it down would mean you look amazing when you do well. Instead however, Susie leaves herself open to nothing but criticism, as through consistently hammering home her expertise, she becomes expected to do well, and anything less will be deemed a failure.

The teams have the task of picking beauty treatments and already you get the sense that this will form the most crucial part of the task, with the treatments commanding high profit margins against some rather naff products they’ll be flogging on the day. Equally important are the locations, and upon pointing out to Felicity that Westfield has more treatment rooms, she quickly shoots him down, as she obviously knows this already and is going to pick…..oh no wait she picked the other one. Both teams also realise that the spray tan is the treatment to win, yet whilst Susan, to her credit, engages with the supplier with a sickly yet endearing  jubilance, Felicity opts for a charm offensive which has about as much passion as a I imagine I might feel if someone asked me to take a cheese grater to my scrotum. Unsurprisingly she misses out, and in the process, probably goes along way to losing the task.

On the day of sales themselves there were four things that to me stood out and ultimately eclipsed everything else. Firstly, Susie having a bit of a mare and ordering enough skincare products to spruce up the whole of Essex for a year, and then being gob-smacked that they couldn’t sell them all in an afternoon. Secondly, Leon’s bizarrely creepy yet oddly successful little finger sales trick.  I shudder to think where he learnt that.  Thirdly, Jim’s terrifying expression as he braces himself to give a couple of fellas a rub down.  And finally, and most costly of all, the calamitous error in focussing on the easier sell in Felicity’s camp, i.e. the cheaper throwaway products, rather than the treatments. I do feel that Ellie’s sub-team could have been quicker to react, as it is the easiest thing to do, to hide away and moan rather than quickly addressing a problem. Also Tom’s attempts at selling hair products once he did eventually move were a hilarious, resembling a drunken granddad at a wedding. Yet ultimately the main fault was with Felicity, who really should have had a tighter grip on what was going on, and had a strategy straight away that focussed solely on selling treatments, using the hair extension things as a way of making a few extra quid from those who booked a massage.

Back in the boardroom, the results revealed that neither team shone through, but whilst Zoe’s did at least make some profit, Felicity came home with a loss, which, in my experience, will always lead to a firing for a PM.  I think that whilst Susie did make some mistakes in the winning team, and probably should’ve owned up to it more, she also was ganged up on a little bit by others in the winning team who were looking to ensure that they if they were in the losing team they wouldn’t get fired. But as they won it did in the end only serve to probably create some interesting clashes of personality for latter weeks. Back in the boardroom, it really wasn’t going to make much difference who she brought in as I think her number was up. Jim showed signs too of possibly getting a touch complacent when defending his performance. Frankly if bringing in £14 of sales is his idea of bringing in the cavalry, then let’s hope he steers clear of any notions of a future involving military service. Tom and Vincent must also be feeling a little edgy now having not won a task yet. I do sympathise a bit with Tom, as I don’t think he’s been much to blame on most occasions, and also found myself losing many a task when often things were beyond my control. With Vincent on the other hand, well the fact he was actually one of the better performers in this team probably goes to show you just how badly they did.

 Felicity however opted to bring in no-nonsense northerner Ellie, and seasoned recruiter Natasha, into the boardroom, and was probably unfortunate that both are strong personalities who perform rather well in defending themselves. Both in my view probably need to step-it up a bit on task as they do have a tendency to only show up when analysing what’s happened, yet, there was no doubt in my mind that the right person went. The fact that neither girl even said goodbye is a good indicator of how popular she was, and really she never got to grips with managing a team, instead opting to patronise certain team-mates, particularly the nutty professor Tom. Another task and I’m still none the clearer as to who might win. And I imagine deep down that Lord Sugar was secretly quite pleased that neither team performed well in setting up their own cosmetic business.  After all, I can’t see him relishing the thought of rolling those sleeves up and applying a sea shell massage should the business start failing.

The Apprentice - Week Three Roundup

As the candidates arrive at the Savoy Hotel, they are greeted by Lord Sugar who announces this week is the negotiating task, a personal favourite of mine, with a small twist in that the candidates are buying the items for the Savoy Hotel. He quite clearly states that ‘the task is all about the importance of negotiation, and getting the right price’. It’s at this point he’s given them a massive clue, in that yes the negotiation is important, but ultimately sourcing the best deal and the cheapest locations is really what wins and loses these tasks. After all getting 50% off an item when the starting price is £300 more than it should be shows a lot less business acumen than getting 5% off a bargain.

The teams are mixed up this week, and Susan and Gavin are elected the Project Managers. I fear for Susie in the sense that she has seemed a bit timid, young and perhaps naïve thus far, yet in the hotel she actually runs the team with great efficiency, getting the perfect balance between maintaining control without being overbearing. Gavin on the other hand does none of these things. Firstly, he seems a rather shifty character, and as an optician it’s alarming that he seems to have genuine issues with making eye contact.  Also, he seems intent on playing up to every scouse stereotype imaginable, and at one point he even jumps up and down, waving his arms, saying ‘calm down, calm down’. All that’s missing is an affro hairdo, tash, and pink shell suit. In fact the writing looked on the wall from him before they’d even arrived, when Vincent turned to him in the car and said ‘we have no option but to win’. That from Vincent is about as encouraging as when you’re setup on a blind date with someone who has a ‘lovely personality’.

Susan’s team efficiently sources eight items and is off, with Jim deciding pretty sharpish he doesn’t want Leon and gives him to Susan to deal with. At least Leon seems to be getting more of a realistic perception of his abilities, actually agreeing with Jim passing him over, congratulating him on a ‘good trade’. For Gavin’s team though, things are going from bad to worse. They’ve found no items, been in a room for 3 hours, and the most insightful strategy has come from Natasha, who rings a rival hotel asking for a procurement list. ‘It’s win win’ she boasts, seeming somewhat oblivious to what that actually means, in that it’s clearly detrimental to a competitor to reveal trade secrets. Unfortunately as the day went on, it would appear Natasha lost her brains somewhere near where she mislaid her underpants in the morning.

Susan’s sterling performance however would turn out to be confined only to the hotel room, for as soon as they embark on finding the items, the sensible strategy of heading east is abandoned, and instead they hit St James street in search of a top hat, eventually getting 1p off a £350 item. Not only does this show a clear lack of common sense in planning, but equally I hate it when anyone gets a penny off, as to me shows a complete lack of effort in negotiating, and gives no evidence for Lord Sugar of their business skills. Jim on the other hand succeeds in a very slick negotiation over fillet steak, and as much as I didn’t like his conduct in the boardroom last week, slagging off other individuals to save himself, he is certainly the front runner so far. Jedi Jim was trending on Twitter, which is probably a bit much, but his Irish accent does seem to give him a certain charm and rapport with people. Yet, if you ask me, he won’t win, as I still think there may be a more sinister side to Jim that came out last week, and also its very rare the favourites early on go on to be victorious (except Stella you could argue last year).

In the other team however things are looking pretty shambolic. Eventually they leave the hotel after 3 hours of finding no items, still convinced a Cloche is in fact a French Cloché that can be found in the local garden centre. Gavin makes a catastrophic mistake in electing Vincent to manage a team of three women, and already you can see a glint in the Belgians eye (assuming that isn’t a bit of pomade that’s dripped down from his hair). Vincent in this task seems to be of the belief that the three women are in fact Vincent’s Angels, and he also immediately, and somewhat offensively, reduces Zoe to the role of his secretary. As they drive off, he surprise me when he doesn’t know what a ‘physalis’ is. I would of thought if he’s anywhere as sleazy in the nightclubs as he is on camera, he would have had a fair few doses of the physalis already…

As the day draws to a close, the teams have both made some big errors, with Vincent getting his geography completely mixed up, and Ellie referring to him as a Billy Bullsh*tter after he refuse to let his female ‘subordinates’ conduct telephone calls (I’m starting to like her more and more). Gavin also succeeds in asking a dry cleaner to buy a top hat as it’s called ‘Top Hat’ dry cleaners. I like his logic, my local dry cleaners actually called Silky Tiger, so I think I might go and get myself a nice Bengal down there once I’ve finished penning this. In fact when they return to the boardroom they are four  items shy, and two of those are light bulbs, and ice, which is frankly ridiculous that they couldn’t get such mainstream items in 9 hours.

Yet despite his lack of authority, I was convinced Susan was going to lose, as they over-looked the fundamental point of the task, getting the right price. They overpaid on the top hat, they overpaid on the silk, and don’t even get me started on sourcing a £900 box of tea! Frankly no negotiating I felt would save them from some real lack of common sense, failing to find out what every item should cost, and the places to source them at an affordable price. After all, the issue of quality is really nonsense, as obviously the Hotel isn’t going to use the items in real life.

However as ever I fall for the editing and Gavin does indeed lose.  As soon as the result was announced, you knew he was a goner. Yes Vincent was quite slimey and chauvinistic, but ultimately Gavin, as nice a chap as he may be, showed no leadership qualities, was indecisive, easily shaken, and lacked authority. I felt that his bringing Zoe into the boardroom was perhaps a touch harsh. OK so she didn’t negotiate, yet she was effectively side-lined by Vince, and her inactivity still wasn’t as bad as some of the nonsense Natasha came out with during the day. Also as a fellow Nottingham Alumni, I’m secretly hoping Zoe might do well, maybe even going one step further than me and Saira Khan and winning the show.

The boardroom in then end was pretty straight forward, and Lord Sugar made the right call in dismissing Gavin. Gavin was probably right in saying that Vincent couldn’t even run a bath, and Lord Sugars cross-hairs will be firmly placed on Vincent should he fall again. I give him at most 3 weeks before he leaves, wouldn’t surprise me if sooner, as he hasn’t really shown and discernable attributes other than rubbing people up the wrong way (almost literally on a few occasions). For Zoe she probably needs to up her game, as ultimately shyness won’t be considered an excuse for not contributing, however she showed enough in the boardroom for me to believe there’s still hope for her yet. For Gavin on the other hand, he was in truth a bit out of his depth, he seemed scared of the prospect of managing, he didn’t take any control, and lacked the self-assurance required to do well in the process. I’m afraid if Vincent couldn’t run a bath, Gavin would struggle to run a bunga bunga party around Silvio Berlusconi’s house.

The Apprentice - Week Two Roundup

Here is the second installment from Chris Bates (last year's Apprentice finalist) writing about the new series of the Apprentice for us...

So we’re treated to two episodes in a row this week, and the task of week 2 is possibly the most exciting one I can remember seeing. A lot of people ask me what I learnt about business doing the Apprentice, and sometimes you do have to question how making sausages, crisps and bread rolls has really influenced my career in private equity. So to get a task that is hugely prevalent and addresses the massive growth sector that is digital is really refreshing. My hat’s off to the editing team for embracing a new type of task and boosting the relevance of the show to real business.

Well that was I thought anyway, until I would see what they’d go on to produce. In the car on the way to the brainstorm, Vincent hilariously drops a joke a bout ‘App-les’, and for once there is a bigger ball of hair than the greasy do on his head, namely a massive tumble weed that floats past. The boys nominate Leon as PM, and Gavin once again does his good old routine of slagging of the person who puts themselves forward but failing to show any desire to do it himself.  Alex on the other hand doesn’t feel his skills are quite right for the job, probably as it doesn’t involve preparing a sandwich. In the end however, Leon’s background in kebab shop fliers is deemed the most relevant experience, and the boys opt for him to lead from the front. For the girls on the other hand Edna wins the vote by virtue of the fact that no one else fancies it.

The brainstorming commences and as much as I appreciate that the situation is tough, having been in their shows with the very limited time constraints they have, the ideas both teams came up with were absolutely appalling. Thomas suggests an app that can bring the inconvenience of stopping at a red light when you’re not even driving, and a tool that will tell you what the weather was like on May 17 1983. Susan on the other hand, after breaking the Guinness Book of Records for the most times someone can say ‘erm’ in a sentence, proposes an app that can tell you and your friend next to you where you are, in case you should by a stroke of bad luck go blind, lose all memory, and find yourself perplexed by your surroundings. Edna quite rightly shoots this down, something Susan can’t seem to grasp why, and Melody, who is quickly becoming one of my favourites, rightly tells her to ‘squash it’.

Eventually the teams settle on ‘Ampi App’, and ‘Slang-a-tang’. Quite why the boys felt that inflicting racial profiling onto the internet was a great business idea escapes me. It also had no appeal outside the UK, and frankly the accents were so bad I don’t think it had any appeal within the UK either. Given all this, it’s amazing that the girls produced, in my opinion, something even worse. For some reason, 8 bright successful business women felt the app market is screaming out for something to fill calming periods of relaxation or enjoyable social moments with the most irritating noises imaginable.  Perhaps they could have given Stuart Baggs a call for some endorsement?

The teams develop the ideas, and then it’s time to pitch them to three appointments Lord Sugar has laid on. Frankly these tasks are always won or lost in these pitches, so it’s crucial to send the best people along. Vincent leads the male pitches and asks ‘what is slang-a tang’, a rhetorical question to which he doesn’t know the answer (and after having watched the episode, neither do I), and Jim has to help him. In fact Jim does appear a bit of a dark horse, who I was starting to quite like (you’ll note ‘was’, this would soon change). The girls on the other hand have Melody leading, and despite getting some facts wrong (which in fairness are quite often given to you deliberately to make you make mistakes), she did a nice job, so much so that even though the boys somehow won two of the three, she won the one that actually mattered.

The worst pitching of the day award however is definitely reserved for Edna. She decided to ignore the advice of her fellow peers that Melody pitches to kids every day as part of her job. Edna on the other hand is a business psychologist, so your guess is a good as mine as to what she does on a day to day basis. And she certainly should have listened, as her insistence on sppeaaaking soooooo slllloooowwwlly meant that she only said about 10 words, none of which actually explained what the app was or how to download it.

Back in the boardroom, I was convinced the boys had won. Yes their app was cr-app but not as bad as the Ampi App, plus they actually pitched the event very well. Yet, once again the laid on pitches would prove to decide the outcomes, and somehow 10,000 people downloaded the girls offering. If any of you did download it, I would suggest you renew the prescription for your medication.

You’ll remember I said earlier that I was starting to like Jim, well that would all change once he’d get back in the boardroom. Upon quite rightly being put in the bottom three for producing some pretty dull marketing literature, he proceeded to tell Lord Sugar he should win the show through pointing out individually how useless everyone is. My view is always that if you are good enough, you can sell your own merits and not worry about anyone else. That leads me to conclude Jim is probably out of his depth, and his comments made him fall a great deal in my estimation.
Leon really didn’t shine in the boardroom either. Why he was convinced by Jim to not take him in I don’t know, and he showed a real weakness of character and indecisiveness.  I honestly feel his card’s definitely marked, and can’t see him progressing much further.

Yet Leon was saved by the least inspiring person on the show this year; Alex. Over two tasks, he managed to do the worst Welsh accent ever attempted, and cut a loaf of bread, from what I could see, quite poorly. He is a prime example of passengers simply not doing well in the process, and quite rightly so, as ultimately Lord Sugar ain’t no bus driver.  I’m not entirely sure how Alex got on the programme in all honesty, however it was obvious even from his audition tape he didn’t have much going for him. Perhaps if Lord Sugar was looking to open a café he could put those bread cutting skills to good use, but other than that I can’t really see what else he brought to the table. Having said that ‘AMSandwich’ as a business does have a nice ring to it…..

More next week!

The Apprentice - Week One Roundup

As I mentioned earlier in the week we are lucky enough to have Chris Bates (last year's Apprentice finalist) writing about the new series for us...

So it’s here again, after just 5 months of waiting The Apprentice is back on our screens. For me personally it’s an odd sensation watching it now, and somewhat bittersweet as it only feels like yesterday I was doing the same thing myself.  No longer do I find myself looking forward to it purely as an entertainment spectacle, but rather I’m now observing from a point of perspective as a previous candidate, knowing how the show is put together, and annoyingly analysing the editing and reading between the lines. 

Before we’ve even started the show feels different in some way given the new format. The candidates opening statements are not quite as outlandish, there’s no mention of brands or first words, and Lord Sugar is seen pensively gazing out at Canary Wharf. Ok there was some talk of the Dalai Lama that is clearly nonsense, but other than that generally they’ve come through the first hurdle with relative dignity.  Already the show feels a bit more grown up, edgier, and oddly more credible than our year. I’m sure as the weeks unfold however some characters will prove me wrong on this point.

The candidates then get that first boardroom experienced and naturally look absolutely terrified, which I can assure you is quite normal as the opening encounter with Lord Sugar is an utterly surreal experience. Straight away they are told that the expectation has moved away from mere salesmanship (but yet I have no doubts sales will as ever form a large part of the criteria on which Lord Sugar will make his decision). They’re given £250, told they will set-up a fruit and vegetable business, and sent on their way.

The time comes for the teams to find their new names (Logic and Venture they decide upon, both rather dull it must be said) and more importantly decide who the PM will be. It must be said that a lot of people say you deserve credit for putting yourself up at this stage, yet if you ask me there’s a very fine line between bravery and stupidity. After all no one has ever won the Apprentice in week 1, yet many have fallen as this early stage. Edward puts himself up for the boys, much to the dismay of Gavin, who then proceeds to question the logic of picking him as PM, without realty wanting it to be him. I find myself screaming at the TV ‘shut up you fool’, as when placed in a similar situation I was more than happy to hand Dan the noose last year which he seemed so intent on hanging himself with. The girls on the other hand come across rather bullish at this point, with Edna, Helen and Melody all giving good cases for their election as team leader, with Melody eventually wearing everyone down with one of the weirdest accents I’ve ever encountered.

So they set off, the boys naively plumping to make soup and juice without any consideration over the sheer wastage of volume it takes to make both out of their raw ingredients. The girls on the other hand have a more sensible approach, making fruit salads which really tap into the breakfast market, and healthy pasta. In buying their ingredients, some of the candidates already shine, particularly Jim, who strikes a nice deal on some tomatoes, peppers and onions, and in the process exhibits some admirable culinary knowledge of what makes a tomato soup. At this early point that’s probably already enough to deem him safe from the firing line.

The chaps have a disaster on the production line as Leon operate some juicers with about as much finesse as a labourer making cement.  Edwards’s response seems to be to speak in a cryptic dialect that no one finds particularly impressive, and congratulates everyone for rolling with the punches. Already I get the feeling he’s going to get fired.

The girls don’t feature as much which in all honesty is a reflection of the fact they performed a lot better. OK they did produce a pasta sauce that resembled the after effects of a chicken bhuna, but generally they identified a need at breakfast time for metro sexual city boys to eat a healthy meal, and used their charms to bring in a lot of cash.

Upon getting back in the boardroom unsurprisingly the girls discover they’ve won, and the writing is on the wall for accountant Edward. Upon discoing why they lost, Edward makes the fatal mistake of re-introducing his habit of not finishing sentences properly, as well as arguing he should be cut some slack for the vertical challenges he faces compared to the giants around him, almost making Lord Sugar laugh, a task I can promise you is extremely difficult. He misses a trick however when Lord Sugar and Karren give him a lifeline. They highlight that Alex, a man with as much charisma as a shrivelled up dog turd, has spent the last two days cutting the crusts off a loaf of bread. Clearly Lord Sugar likes Edward as a person, and quite rightly respects his background with an ACA from a top four accountant practice, even if Edward does seem to loath this achievement himself. As such, if he had taken the rather obvious bait and brought Alex back in, I feel he would have saved himself, but instead he makes the remarkably frequent Apprentice mistake of ignoring all logic, and brings in Gavin, who’s only misgiving was to question his leadership.

After this point the result was obvious, and Edward can have no complaints that he was dismissed, given that he seemed intent to prove he was more than an accountant, and in the process betrayed all of the strengths that got him selected for the show in the first place. A great first week, a lot of serious business people it would seem, and a new format that has breathed fresh life into a tested formula. For Alex the bread cutter though, his card is clearly marked, as in my experience the wrong activity is better than no activity as far as Lord Sugar is concerned!

Week two review to follow!!